Finishing-up Dan Goleman’s “Social Intelligence” and thought I’d share a couple fascinating studies. First, it seems that couples in love–those who have spent many years together–begin to actually look alike. In strong, healthy relationships as two people interact and loop emotionally, they adopt similar expressions and mannerisms. This constant and parallel flexing/tensing of muscles creates similar patterns of ridges and lines in their faces–and the more alike two people appear, the happier and stronger their past relationship.
I find this sort of thing so charming and intriguing. We really do create and define one another as life goes on. We physically shape one another by our emotional states and feelings. Goleman sites another study that finds in unhappy, long-term marriages, the effects of negativity impact a woman’s health as strongly as factors like smoking or obesity. Being in a bad relationship is like smoking a pack-a-day. Curiously, though, it didn’t hold true for men–men seem to be just as healthy whether in a good relationship or bad. But you know what did factor extremely poorly for a man’s health? Being in no relationship at all.
February 28, 2010 at 8:30 pm
sounds like a couple interesting studies, but definitely makes sense
February 28, 2010 at 8:50 pm
OK I know that is good for you, but what am I gonna get out of it?!?
March 1, 2010 at 12:56 pm
bing…score one for Ana the wife. really interesting data…it would really be neat to discover if the facial changes over time actually rewrite some DNA to be passed on to children.
March 1, 2010 at 1:21 pm
@Jesse: Well, DNA mutations don’t really work that way. Think about it, for a change to occur to DNA that we could pass on, it would have to occur to all your sex cells, including (for men) the yet to be produced ones that we will use to pass our DNA along (i.e. sperm). However, Goleman did site a study which found that one’s epigenetics could be affected (i.e. gene expression). Women in these toxic relationships have cells in their body that are genetically “older” than other women (about 10 years).
March 1, 2010 at 4:47 pm
right, i gather that DNA doesn’t work that way generally, but it would be very interesting if a couple were married a long time and such changes were recorded as happening and then the couple “got pregnant”, then the changes were shown to affect the DNA passed on to the child. this would be tough to record while it is happening…but it’s interesting to think if this could be another factor in the evolution of a “blood line”.
March 1, 2010 at 4:56 pm
Wonder if a similar mechanism is responsible for the old saw that people and their dogs look alike.
March 1, 2010 at 7:21 pm
now filing under:
“Once Again, Scientists Show That My Mother Was Right About Everything!”
March 1, 2010 at 10:28 pm
. . . waaait a minute.
So are you saying that the fact that people mutually affect one another IS what makes meaning? You’re equating effect with meaning?
The trouble is I can notice that something affects or changes me, but I could still consider it meaningless, especially if the change is for the worse. People may create and define one another, but wouldn’t that be separate from whether or not someone finds that to be meaningful? WWVFD?*
What if someone says, “Aaaaah — I can’t believe I wasted all those years in that {marriage} {career} {multi-level marketing scheme} {ol’ time religion}.”
Aren’t they saying they found the experience to be meaningless?
*What Would Viktor Frankl Do?
March 2, 2010 at 3:07 pm
I heart Viktor Frankl, but be that as it may, I don’t think I mentioned anything about interconnectedness being analogous to “meaning”–although i do find the results of those studies meaningful 🙂
March 8, 2010 at 8:57 pm
I’ve been told I have my father’s smile and also been told my sisters have mine – and since there is no other logical explanation for this since I am not biologically related to my family, I do believe that we are able to create synthetic connections in order to foster the growth of real ones. I read once that when born, infants often resemble the father. This enables the father to form a stronger connection since he can not have the same bond as a nursing mother will have with the child. So if the idea is that we can create strong connections with those we see as similar to ourselves whether it’s in a smile or the shape of the eye or the turn of the nose – then I would buy the stronger the connection, the more similar the look, the happier the marriage.
March 10, 2010 at 12:01 pm
ahhh, but in this case, it’s a bit the opposite… they aren’t happier because they look the same, they look the same because they are happier!